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The Wait.

June 27, 2012

So the thing about waiting for answers is sometimes you have to just keep waiting.  The answer we are waiting for is coming with the results of a special bond election that took place yesterday.  The results aren’t published online yet.  The small town where this election occured is 350 miles from here.  Their city offices aren’t open yet.  There are only 200ish houses there.  One of Scott’s partners drove for 5.5 hours this morning to wait at the doors for someone to tell us what happened yesterday.  We still haven’t heard from him.  Still waiting.
Snack time.

Still waiting.  And I’ll be eating a lot of cookies today to deal with the waiting.  Thank you so much for your kind comments, emails, and prayers.  I’ve had an overwhelming sense of peace and calm these past few days.  I know that doesn’t just come from me.  So thank you friends.  I’ll hopefully have a real answer soon.  Because I’m going to eat through this batch of cookies pretty quickly….

Pink.

June 22, 2012

Hello friends.  Over the past few weeks I’ve been rereading a lot of my own blog posts and re reading the comments. (You do that too… right… anyone?)  We are coming up on kind of a big day next week, one that’s been a long time coming.  I have no idea what will happen.  Clear back in December I mentioned in this post about some of the work related struggles that our family has had over the past few years.  I said that everything was sort of just hanging on one last big project.  We hoped to know 6 months ago what our answer would be.  We still don’t know.  It’s been an excruciating long wait, going on 4 years.

beauty

I’m not really going to go into a lot of specifics, because I can’t honestly see how that would be helpful.  But, I will say that I’ve been horribly distracted by work and money.  More so than I want to be, more than I ever thought I would be.  It’s been consuming.  Anyway, long story short, we find out on Tuesday about this one last project.  This one project that we’ve been working on for four years now.  Without getting paid.  Well, we kind of find out.  The answer will either be “No, this project is dead” or “Yes, this project is going forward”. But if it’s the latter (which I hope more than anything it is) it could be weeks or months or a year before anything changes.  Government projects are sometimes painfully painfully slow.  Optimistically in less than a month we’d get paid for the work we’ve done and our lives would change drastically.  But it could be more than a year.   Its complicated.  And completely out of our hands.  No control.  I hate being and feeling out of control.

love on the rocks

If the project goes forward and we get paid amazing things could happen.  We would be able to erase all the years of bad business and corrupt clients and bankrupted projects.  We would be able to move closer to Scott’s new job so he didn’t have to get up at 4:45 am anymore.  We would have 3-4 more hours each day of having him home.  With our family.  Together.

Valentines!

More than the money, I miss my husband.  Creamie misses her dad.  I miss having our family together.  And one paycheck for this project would fix it.  We wouldn’t move into a McMansion.  We’d probably move into a small rental in the city.  We wouldn’t buy a fancy car, but I wouldn’t have to worry so much about filling up the car with gas.  I wouldn’t buy new furniture and we wouldn’t go on a fancy vacation.  But we would go to the park together after work on a regular old Wednesday and not have to hurry home so my husband could crash out because he’d been awake since before the break of dawn.

pink peony

I don’t want the money. It’s not that important to me.  I do want what the money would give us.  Time.  I want time with my family together.  Everyday.  The past 10 months without it have taken it’s toll on me.  On Creamie.  On Scott.  I just want to be together.

pink biscuits

So, because of all of this that has been going on pink week has been a mite… well, non existent.  National Pink Day, my favorite holiday of the year is tomorrow.  I haven’t done anything buy buy an 88 cent pink cake mix to make cupcakes tomorrow.  And I don’t know that I’ll actually make them.  We’ll see.  There are more important things I’m worried about right now.  I am thinking about my family.  And the fact that one decision by a random group of people could fix the whole problem.  Or prolong it.  And I don’t have a say.

Pre-midnight snack. Leftover birthday cake and ice cream.

So dear friends.  As I’ve been impatiently waiting I’ve been reading back through my life for the past two years.  And I want to thank those of you who have left such kind and encouraging comments for me over the years.  They have helped me so much to feel like no matter what happens it will be “OK”.  Whatever that means.  This stage won’t last forever.  It could last a long time, but it won’t be forever.  Something good will happen.  Sometime.  And thank you all for believing in me, for supporting me.  For loving me as only awesome blog reader friends can.  It means more to me than you know.

Old fashioned pink peony. These blooms are 8 inches across!

And as a small favor, if any of you are inclined to pray in our behalf between now and Tuesday I would appreciate it so much.  At this point we just don’t want the project to get cancelled all together.  If it does, well, it’s over.  If it doesn’t, then there is still hope for a miracle.  And thank you from the very bottom of my heart for your support over the past weeks and months.  My heart is full, and I have tears pouring down my face at the love and kindness that has been shown to me by perfectly lovely strangers in this great wide internet world.  Thank you friends.

look at my stuff

PS- And one more thing.  Celebrate something pink tomorrow.  It’s kind of a big deal.  Most years.

The Bees Knees

June 7, 2012

I was recently invited to join an online quilting bee, The Bees Knees.  It’s full of amazingly talented women and I totally feel like a bum.  June is our third month…. and I have yet to actually mail any of the completed blocks.  It is actually kind of ridiculous how lame I am at getting to the actual post office.  Anyway, I made this block in April and still haven’t mailed it back.  See, ridiculously lame.

Bees Knees mosaic

June is my month, and though I had a small setback, I am finally on top of things.  I packaged up little bundles of fabric to all eleven members, included the block from April, and the blocks for May to their respective new owners, and last night I spent a happy 30 minutes decorating envelopes and writing notes to each member on recycled watercolor masterpieces of Creamies. (She could go through a whole ream of paper each week.  I gotta put all that awesome to good use somehow.  My mom’s fridge only has so much space you know…) I am a total nerd and matched the washi tape on the outside to the little bundles of fabric that are on the inside.  Obsessive much?

improv quilt

My new current favorite color combo is turquoise and deep peacock blue with pinks and yellowy gold.  I find myself drawn to it over and over, and only when I look at the number of things that have recently fit into this color group do I really realize how much I love it.  I should take a few more pics of all the things I have been doing in those colors lately.  It’s kind of funny.

Thanks for your sweet comments about my grandpa.  The funeral is tomorrow and I am excited to see all of my brothers and sisters at the same time.  It’s been a while.   I’ll be back soon.

Endings

June 4, 2012

This isn’t exactly what I was planning on writing about this morning, but sometimes things don’t work out according to plan, right.  Last night my sweet grandpa passed away peacefully with all of his children around him.  He has been sick for a little while, and he was ready to go and meet his sweetheart in heaven.

1985[ Me and Heidi and my grandpa, summer of 1985 ]

It is bittersweet.  Bitter because I”ll miss him.  Because I had plans to visit him today.  Because I didn’t go on Saturday.  Sweet because I would much rather him spend today walking along with his dear sweetheart in heaven than laying in bed here.  Sweet because I’m sure I’ll see him again.  And I’ll bet the time between now and then only feels long to me.

4 generations

[Me, my dad and my grandpa two years ago, June 2010. ]

He is the last of my grandparents to die.  It’s the end of a generation.  But from those four grandparents there are three and four generatins here.  And the fifth generation isn’t too far behind.  Life moves on, an ending here is just a beginning somewhere else.

May 2012

June 1, 2012

May’s gone, June’s here. The only things I’m keeping up with in life is my goal to take one phone pic everyday and make sure we all have clean underwear.

May 2012 Instagram Mosaic

So since I’m not about to post pics of my underwear, here’s the only other thing that is going perfectly. May according to my instagram pics. (You can follow me here, or on ig my name is pinksuedeshoe.)  Click on this pic to go to flickr to see it bigger, or any of the individual pics as well.

I sometimes do really well with a fresh start.  Only I can’t do a fresh start too well on like a Thursday or some random 17th day of the month.  I missed today due to some unexpected awesome, so we’ll try to start over again on Monday. Monday’s are always good for a fresh start. In the meantime  I’m going to enjoy the rest of the weekend in my clean underwear while I take care of the rest of the things that need to be cleaned/organized/sorted/figured/etc.  Who knows, by tomorrow night I might even end up wearing clean pants.

April 2012

May 1, 2012

I can’t believe April is over. It had good days and bad days, but how are we already 1/3 done with this year…. No. Seriously.

April Instagram Mosaic

I also can’t believe today is half over.  I stayed up WAY to late talking to my favorite cousins last night, and I didn’t get home till 2.  I slept through several episodes of Diego this morning and finally around 11:00 am I got out of bed.  I should stop doing that…

Tulips and Fluffy Dresses

April 26, 2012

Finally yesterday morning the stars aligned and I had an extra hour, a happy child, beautiful tulips and a perfectly overcast day.  And I finally got some cute pictures of her in the Easter dress I made a few weeks ago.

Easter dress 1

Easter dress 2

Easter dress 3

Her favorite color is blue, far and away, but I couldn’t resist sneaking a few pink ruffles in there too.

Easter dress 4

She was afraid the wind would blow her hat off.  She was so concerned about it she clutched her hat most of the morning.  Clutched it so hard the stitching is coming loose.  She just didn’t want to lose it.  Silly girl.

Easter dress 5

Easter dress 6

Easter dress 7

Looking at these tulip gardens makes me want to spend a small fortune on bulbs and have thousands of tulips in bloom at once.  You know, in that yard I don’t have.

Easter dress 8

Easter dress 9

There was a group of gardeners trimming flowers and one of them snipped a flower for her.  Actually, I kind of wanted to ask them if I could take home all the one’s they were clipping off, their buckets were full of such pretty colors of petals.

Easter dress 10

Easter dress 11

Her dress is handmade, from a thrifted sheet, pink ruffled petticoat was from a costume warehouse sale last year. I had to change the ribbon on the hat from cheapie plastic looking pink to classic stripes, and I think her shoes and ruffle socks are from Target, they were gifts.  I’m so glad I took these yesterday.  I haven’t been using my camera much lately, and looking at these pictures was a good reminder to me why it is important to pull it out everyday.  I have never regretted taking pictures.  But often wish I’d taken them when I didn’t think it was worth pulling out the big camera.  Lesson learned, well, learning.  Slowly, I’m learning to just bring my camera All. The. Time.

Cookies for dinner

April 25, 2012

This afternoon I couldn’t for the life of me get myself off the couch to do anything except snack on things that I shouldn’t have been eating.  So, to make the afternoon a little more awesome I pulled out some sugar cookie dough that’s been in the freezer since before Valentines Day and we made cookies.
Cookies for dinner

I got some new cookie cutters at IKEA a little while ago.  Snail, hedgehog and squirrel.  Awesome.

Sometimes being a good mom means giving her cookies and cocoa an hour before dinner. #thatswhatimtellingmyself

And then we had a snack of cocoa and cookies an hour before dinnertime.  And then I fell asleep on the couch at 4:15 and took an hour nap while Creamie snuggled with me and watched Diego. Some days are just like that.  Just keeping it real.

A Gem

April 25, 2012

This morning I was going through my camera transferring old photos.  Our transfer software has become infested with a bug and it’s been super glitchy lately.  So today I am making sure that all our pictures are off the camera and stored on the hard drive before I back it up and clean off the camera.  And I found this gem from Easter.

easter cousins

Creamie and three of her cousins.  Classic awkward cousins picture, right?  Yeah, I thought so too.  So so perfect.

Back in the Saddle

April 19, 2012

I’m officially 6 weeks out.  Finger is doing amazingly better.  Nerve pain has let up a lot in just these last few days.  I am still typing with 9 fingers, and playing the piano at church with 9 fingers.  But I think that might be out of habit now…. not sure.  I’ll figure that out later.  But finally I feel like I have jumped the sewing hurdle and landed back in the saddle. (Do you like how I mixed it up there.)  Except for her Easter dress, I haven’t made a single thing for 6 weeks.  And I’m not counting that because I cut it all out with scissors, not a rotary cutter.  And that makes a huge difference (apparently).  I’m still a little hesitant to use my rotary cutter, which honestly kind of makes me feel ridiculous.  But yesterday that officially ended.  I think.  I hope so anyway.

Double Aster block

I made this today.  I am in an online quilting bee and this is our first month.  This is for Sherri.  This is the first bee I’ve been in, and I am a little intimidated by all the “real” quilters in it.  I have made a lot of quilts, but I still don’t really consider myself a quilter.  Not really.  I am good at sewing squares together, and I have a lot of quilting fabric, but if it’s not a square?  Well…. it makes me nervous.  But this one was all half square triangles, so kind of a square.  Kind of.  Anyway I gave it a shot.  And I love it!

oops

Truth be told, I actually made TWO of these blocks today.  Only, the first one didn’t turn out quite right.  Actually, if we are starting at the beginning I have made three of these.  One last night as a practice/trial run/can I really do this test before I cut into the pretty fabric that Sherri sent me.  And it turned out perfectly.  And I guess I got cocky, because the first one I made today? Well, not perfect.  It’s destined to be a doll quilt for Creamie’s babies now.  She’s already claimed it.  I better hurry up and get that project finished before she shreds the unfinished edges!  Thankfully there was plenty of fabric to make a second block this afternoon.  I cut more carefully, sewed more precisely and pressed the thing within an inch of it’s life.  And I didn’t lose any of my triangle points to the demon seam monster. Victory!

double aster

This block is a free pattern from quilterscache.com called the Double Aster Block.  It is 12.5″ square (if you can trim edges straight, which I still need to do before I mail it back to Sherri) so 12″ finished size.  I hope she likes it! (I found this picture on Pinterest that led me to the free pattern).

In other news.  We’ve been battling spring sickies here for almost two weeks.  Scott stayed home from work yesterday, we are all drugged up all the time, and we’ve gone through a TON of tissue over here.  We are thankfully down from the box per day per person we started at.  That makes for very sore noses, even though I only buy expensive “plus lotion and aloe” super soft tissue.  Poor Creamie went through a whole box herself one day.  That’s 125 tissues on her little face in 10 hours.  So so sad.  We are getting better, slowly. Creamie is back at school.  Scott is back at work.  I’ve been craving food but I can’t taste anything.  I don’t want to cook anything.  The only thing that sounds good is warm.  I’m not too picky, if it’s warm I’ll eat it.  I made a heck of a dent in the fresh from the oven chocolate chip cookies the other day…. I’m sick.  It’s all fair game.

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