Hello friends. Over the past few weeks I’ve been rereading a lot of my own blog posts and re reading the comments. (You do that too… right… anyone?) We are coming up on kind of a big day next week, one that’s been a long time coming. I have no idea what will happen. Clear back in December I mentioned in this post about some of the work related struggles that our family has had over the past few years. I said that everything was sort of just hanging on one last big project. We hoped to know 6 months ago what our answer would be. We still don’t know. It’s been an excruciating long wait, going on 4 years.
I’m not really going to go into a lot of specifics, because I can’t honestly see how that would be helpful. But, I will say that I’ve been horribly distracted by work and money. More so than I want to be, more than I ever thought I would be. It’s been consuming. Anyway, long story short, we find out on Tuesday about this one last project. This one project that we’ve been working on for four years now. Without getting paid. Well, we kind of find out. The answer will either be “No, this project is dead” or “Yes, this project is going forward”. But if it’s the latter (which I hope more than anything it is) it could be weeks or months or a year before anything changes. Government projects are sometimes painfully painfully slow. Optimistically in less than a month we’d get paid for the work we’ve done and our lives would change drastically. But it could be more than a year. Its complicated. And completely out of our hands. No control. I hate being and feeling out of control.
If the project goes forward and we get paid amazing things could happen. We would be able to erase all the years of bad business and corrupt clients and bankrupted projects. We would be able to move closer to Scott’s new job so he didn’t have to get up at 4:45 am anymore. We would have 3-4 more hours each day of having him home. With our family. Together.
More than the money, I miss my husband. Creamie misses her dad. I miss having our family together. And one paycheck for this project would fix it. We wouldn’t move into a McMansion. We’d probably move into a small rental in the city. We wouldn’t buy a fancy car, but I wouldn’t have to worry so much about filling up the car with gas. I wouldn’t buy new furniture and we wouldn’t go on a fancy vacation. But we would go to the park together after work on a regular old Wednesday and not have to hurry home so my husband could crash out because he’d been awake since before the break of dawn.
I don’t want the money. It’s not that important to me. I do want what the money would give us. Time. I want time with my family together. Everyday. The past 10 months without it have taken it’s toll on me. On Creamie. On Scott. I just want to be together.
So, because of all of this that has been going on pink week has been a mite… well, non existent. National Pink Day, my favorite holiday of the year is tomorrow. I haven’t done anything buy buy an 88 cent pink cake mix to make cupcakes tomorrow. And I don’t know that I’ll actually make them. We’ll see. There are more important things I’m worried about right now. I am thinking about my family. And the fact that one decision by a random group of people could fix the whole problem. Or prolong it. And I don’t have a say.
So dear friends. As I’ve been impatiently waiting I’ve been reading back through my life for the past two years. And I want to thank those of you who have left such kind and encouraging comments for me over the years. They have helped me so much to feel like no matter what happens it will be “OK”. Whatever that means. This stage won’t last forever. It could last a long time, but it won’t be forever. Something good will happen. Sometime. And thank you all for believing in me, for supporting me. For loving me as only awesome blog reader friends can. It means more to me than you know.
And as a small favor, if any of you are inclined to pray in our behalf between now and Tuesday I would appreciate it so much. At this point we just don’t want the project to get cancelled all together. If it does, well, it’s over. If it doesn’t, then there is still hope for a miracle. And thank you from the very bottom of my heart for your support over the past weeks and months. My heart is full, and I have tears pouring down my face at the love and kindness that has been shown to me by perfectly lovely strangers in this great wide internet world. Thank you friends.
PS- And one more thing. Celebrate something pink tomorrow. It’s kind of a big deal. Most years.