Hello friends. Over the past few weeks I’ve been rereading a lot of my own blog posts and re reading the comments. (You do that too… right… anyone?) We are coming up on kind of a big day next week, one that’s been a long time coming. I have no idea what will happen. Clear back in December I mentioned in this post about some of the work related struggles that our family has had over the past few years. I said that everything was sort of just hanging on one last big project. We hoped to know 6 months ago what our answer would be. We still don’t know. It’s been an excruciating long wait, going on 4 years.
I’m not really going to go into a lot of specifics, because I can’t honestly see how that would be helpful. But, I will say that I’ve been horribly distracted by work and money. More so than I want to be, more than I ever thought I would be. It’s been consuming. Anyway, long story short, we find out on Tuesday about this one last project. This one project that we’ve been working on for four years now. Without getting paid. Well, we kind of find out. The answer will either be “No, this project is dead” or “Yes, this project is going forward”. But if it’s the latter (which I hope more than anything it is) it could be weeks or months or a year before anything changes. Government projects are sometimes painfully painfully slow. Optimistically in less than a month we’d get paid for the work we’ve done and our lives would change drastically. But it could be more than a year. Its complicated. And completely out of our hands. No control. I hate being and feeling out of control.
If the project goes forward and we get paid amazing things could happen. We would be able to erase all the years of bad business and corrupt clients and bankrupted projects. We would be able to move closer to Scott’s new job so he didn’t have to get up at 4:45 am anymore. We would have 3-4 more hours each day of having him home. With our family. Together.
More than the money, I miss my husband. Creamie misses her dad. I miss having our family together. And one paycheck for this project would fix it. We wouldn’t move into a McMansion. We’d probably move into a small rental in the city. We wouldn’t buy a fancy car, but I wouldn’t have to worry so much about filling up the car with gas. I wouldn’t buy new furniture and we wouldn’t go on a fancy vacation. But we would go to the park together after work on a regular old Wednesday and not have to hurry home so my husband could crash out because he’d been awake since before the break of dawn.
I don’t want the money. It’s not that important to me. I do want what the money would give us. Time. I want time with my family together. Everyday. The past 10 months without it have taken it’s toll on me. On Creamie. On Scott. I just want to be together.
So, because of all of this that has been going on pink week has been a mite… well, non existent. National Pink Day, my favorite holiday of the year is tomorrow. I haven’t done anything buy buy an 88 cent pink cake mix to make cupcakes tomorrow. And I don’t know that I’ll actually make them. We’ll see. There are more important things I’m worried about right now. I am thinking about my family. And the fact that one decision by a random group of people could fix the whole problem. Or prolong it. And I don’t have a say.
So dear friends. As I’ve been impatiently waiting I’ve been reading back through my life for the past two years. And I want to thank those of you who have left such kind and encouraging comments for me over the years. They have helped me so much to feel like no matter what happens it will be “OK”. Whatever that means. This stage won’t last forever. It could last a long time, but it won’t be forever. Something good will happen. Sometime. And thank you all for believing in me, for supporting me. For loving me as only awesome blog reader friends can. It means more to me than you know.
And as a small favor, if any of you are inclined to pray in our behalf between now and Tuesday I would appreciate it so much. At this point we just don’t want the project to get cancelled all together. If it does, well, it’s over. If it doesn’t, then there is still hope for a miracle. And thank you from the very bottom of my heart for your support over the past weeks and months. My heart is full, and I have tears pouring down my face at the love and kindness that has been shown to me by perfectly lovely strangers in this great wide internet world. Thank you friends.
PS- And one more thing. Celebrate something pink tomorrow. It’s kind of a big deal. Most years.
I was recently invited to join an online quilting bee, The Bees Knees. It’s full of amazingly talented women and I totally feel like a bum. June is our third month…. and I have yet to actually mail any of the completed blocks. It is actually kind of ridiculous how lame I am at getting to the actual post office. Anyway, I made this block in April and still haven’t mailed it back. See, ridiculously lame.
June is my month, and though I had a small setback, I am finally on top of things. I packaged up little bundles of fabric to all eleven members, included the block from April, and the blocks for May to their respective new owners, and last night I spent a happy 30 minutes decorating envelopes and writing notes to each member on recycled watercolor masterpieces of Creamies. (She could go through a whole ream of paper each week. I gotta put all that awesome to good use somehow. My mom’s fridge only has so much space you know…) I am a total nerd and matched the washi tape on the outside to the little bundles of fabric that are on the inside. Obsessive much?
My new current favorite color combo is turquoise and deep peacock blue with pinks and yellowy gold. I find myself drawn to it over and over, and only when I look at the number of things that have recently fit into this color group do I really realize how much I love it. I should take a few more pics of all the things I have been doing in those colors lately. It’s kind of funny.
Thanks for your sweet comments about my grandpa. The funeral is tomorrow and I am excited to see all of my brothers and sisters at the same time. It’s been a while. I’ll be back soon.
This isn’t exactly what I was planning on writing about this morning, but sometimes things don’t work out according to plan, right. Last night my sweet grandpa passed away peacefully with all of his children around him. He has been sick for a little while, and he was ready to go and meet his sweetheart in heaven.
[ Me and Heidi and my grandpa, summer of 1985 ]
It is bittersweet. Bitter because I”ll miss him. Because I had plans to visit him today. Because I didn’t go on Saturday. Sweet because I would much rather him spend today walking along with his dear sweetheart in heaven than laying in bed here. Sweet because I’m sure I’ll see him again. And I’ll bet the time between now and then only feels long to me.
[Me, my dad and my grandpa two years ago, June 2010. ]
He is the last of my grandparents to die. It’s the end of a generation. But from those four grandparents there are three and four generatins here. And the fifth generation isn’t too far behind. Life moves on, an ending here is just a beginning somewhere else.
I can’t believe April is over. It had good days and bad days, but how are we already 1/3 done with this year…. No. Seriously.
I also can’t believe today is half over. I stayed up WAY to late talking to my favorite cousins last night, and I didn’t get home till 2. I slept through several episodes of Diego this morning and finally around 11:00 am I got out of bed. I should stop doing that…
Finally yesterday morning the stars aligned and I had an extra hour, a happy child, beautiful tulips and a perfectly overcast day. And I finally got some cute pictures of her in the Easter dress I made a few weeks ago.
Her favorite color is blue, far and away, but I couldn’t resist sneaking a few pink ruffles in there too.
She was afraid the wind would blow her hat off. She was so concerned about it she clutched her hat most of the morning. Clutched it so hard the stitching is coming loose. She just didn’t want to lose it. Silly girl.
Looking at these tulip gardens makes me want to spend a small fortune on bulbs and have thousands of tulips in bloom at once. You know, in that yard I don’t have.
There was a group of gardeners trimming flowers and one of them snipped a flower for her. Actually, I kind of wanted to ask them if I could take home all the one’s they were clipping off, their buckets were full of such pretty colors of petals.
Her dress is handmade, from a thrifted sheet, pink ruffled petticoat was from a costume warehouse sale last year. I had to change the ribbon on the hat from cheapie plastic looking pink to classic stripes, and I think her shoes and ruffle socks are from Target, they were gifts. I’m so glad I took these yesterday. I haven’t been using my camera much lately, and looking at these pictures was a good reminder to me why it is important to pull it out everyday. I have never regretted taking pictures. But often wish I’d taken them when I didn’t think it was worth pulling out the big camera. Lesson learned, well, learning. Slowly, I’m learning to just bring my camera All. The. Time.