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June 28, 2012

Yesterday I tried to keep myself busy.  I went thrifting with a new friend, went to dinner with a few friends and then spent the rest of the evening with more friends talking fabric and pyrex and awesomeness.

Pink
Red

The night had been planned for weeks.  I had hoped that it would be celebratory.  But when I left I still didn’t know Tuesday’s results.  Scott called me while I was out.  I was in line to buy my dinner. Our project has been cancelled.

Orange
Yellow

I held it together, amazingly. I didn’t let it ruin my night. I didn’t tell anyone until I was back in the car on my way home with just one dear friend to talk to. She let me cry and I didn’t feel awkward. Thanks Amy.

Limey
Green

When I got home everyone was asleep. Scott left this morning before I was awake, standard 5:15am routine. I don’t want to talk about it anyway. There is nothing we can do, the vote was 112 to 71 against the project. It kills me that such small numbers decide so much sometimes. But that’s America I guess. Democracy at work.

Turquoise
Blue

I don’t know why some things happen and some don’t.  That’s not my job.  My job is to make the very best of any situation I am in.  And I am going to.  I don’t know what Plan B is yet.  But I’ll make one.  Things will “work out”. Whatever that means.  There is a silver lining in here somewhere.  And I am determined to find it.  Over the past three months as we were killing time waiting for this week I decided to clean my entire house, top to bottom, inside out.  I had hoped that it would make it that much easier if we were able to move.  But, hey, at least now I’m living in a clean house.  That’s something.

Purple
More pink

Thank you dear friends for all your support and love and prayers.  I have an overwhelming sense of peace.  Which I know is a result of a lot of love and prayer and goodwill in our behalf.  And I am so grateful for it.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  It means more to me than you know.

Black and White

And no matter what, no matter what happens, what is lost, what is gained, I will have these two forever.  My family is mine.  And they are the most important thing to me.  Really, as long as I have them things are “working out”.  Whatever that means.  I’ll be back soon.  I promise.

35 Comments leave one →
  1. June 28, 2012 8:08 am

    Erika,
    I’m so sorry about the project getting discontinued. I know how long you’ve been waiting and hoping for a different answer. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do. You guys will be in the Clarks’ prayers. Hang in there, I know you will find the silver lining in all of this. Love you.

    Love,
    Hannah

    • Linda Mae Carlson permalink
      June 28, 2012 8:29 am

      I know it’s hard to have something you want so desperately, not happen. I know because years ago when my husband worked swing shift (a different shift each week) we longed for a normal day shift life. Finally, came a chance to get a good day shift job. We only had to wait from Oct. to Feb. and then this other company would hire him. They loved him and wanted his work ethic and his character.
      Feb. came and just as we were sure we were going to be living a “normal life” the new company decided that an old knee injury made my husband inelegable for the job. We were cruished!!
      We went back to our shiftwork life. And, then, as I recall, less than a year later that big company who didn’t hire my husband went on strike! They were on strike for a VERY long time. And, being a new hire…my husband would have lost a lot of money and might have lost his job. Needless to say, we were glad he had been rejected.
      PS My husband and I learned to live and love that swing shift life for more than 20 more years…before he finally got a day job. He retired from the same company after nearly 40 years of swing shifts.. except for the last year and a half when he was on days before he retired..
      I can only say that God is on your side and the time probably was not right …. for whatever reason … that you cannot yet see. Believe in yourselves and don’t let this make you bitter. You seem like such a nice person…things will work out. Love you, Linda Mae.

  2. June 28, 2012 8:18 am

    Oh my stars. I’m the one that used the “working out” phrase in my comment from yesterday. I apologize for that. I meant to be encouraging not aggravating and unclear. I’m sorry about the bad project news. You are right, even in the worst of circumstances, there are things that life can’t take from you. Your beautiful family is one of those things. Have a good day today.

    • June 28, 2012 8:21 am

      Haha, it sure wasn’t you friend! I have been telling myself that things will “work out somehow” for 3 years. It wasn’t you! You have been so supportive, and I thank you for that. It is reassuring that other people tell me it will work out. It makes that eventual reality seem way more real. Makes it seem like it’s not just in my own head.

      e.

  3. Melinda permalink
    June 28, 2012 8:38 am

    Well… Now you know. It’s not what you hoped for but the agony of waiting is over. I’m excited to find out what plan B will be. Knowing you and Scott, it will be a good one. Love you guys!

  4. June 28, 2012 8:45 am

    Erika,

    I’m sorry things didn’t work out the way you hoped. I think it’s amazing when you feel peace in times of trial. Things WILL work out! I know it’s cliche, but I love the saying, “Whenever God closes a door, He opens a window.” Maybe you will end up with an amazing view out your window. =) Thinking of you!

  5. Jennifer permalink
    June 28, 2012 8:51 am

    You are a strong, beautiful family, I look forward to your stories and your pictures, I have been inspired by you. I think this just means God has a bigger plan, I wish we could all understand the reasoning for His decisions but I guess that’s where we have to trust. Stay strong my friend.

  6. Jenny Ann permalink
    June 28, 2012 10:01 am

    I am so sorry my love!! We prayed so hard for you guys! I have a quote that I put on my nightstand cause I need the daily reminder… “Faith in God includes faith in His timing.” Neal A. Maxwell. It doesn’t always help me when I’m struggling with the “why’s” of our life, but sometimes it gives me a little bit of peace… a little bit. The fact is, life is hard, and I hate being told that things will work out, I already know that deep down. Sometimes I just need to deal without being told about the grander plan. You are so much stronger than I am. Love you tons!!

  7. June 28, 2012 10:51 am

    Hate hate hate that for you. You sound like you have your head in the right place, hope your heart feels better soon. Sending you a big hug and good thoughts :-)

  8. June 28, 2012 11:44 am

    I was so heartbroken to see this post because you guys are so deserving. I’m sure there is a silver lining some where, but that doesn’t make the present moment any more fun. But if there is anyone who will triumph in the end, it’s you guys.

    Let’s get a pinata. For reals.

  9. Linda permalink
    June 28, 2012 11:49 am

    I never replied to your blogs before, but follow them for some time now.
    This time I have to reply: hold on, keep strong and indeed make the best of the situation you are in. There is One who knows it all and I know He let things happen or just not happen for a very good reason! One day you will see…

    Linda (The Netherlands)

  10. June 28, 2012 11:53 am

    I am so very sorry. I know God knows and He has a plan for your good and His glory, but I am sorry for your pain.

  11. Ashley Lloyd permalink
    June 28, 2012 12:45 pm

    I’m amazed at your positive attitude, Erika! Truly inspirational. There was a period of time when we were waiting for Cody to find work. It seemed like one thing after another just didn’t work out and we didn’t understand why at the time. When things ultimately “worked out” we found that it was the best thing for our family all along. Hang in there. It’s definitely hard to see the silver lining when you’re in the midst of things. Clinging to the positive is a great thing to do, and you’re doing it!

    P.S. This was a wonderfully photographically colorful post. I enjoyed it immensely. :)

  12. June 28, 2012 12:46 pm

    I am so sorry to hear that, E, and wish I had some profound wisdom to share to make it better. Life changes so quickly and all we can do is hang on. When everything goes to pieces I’m not much of a talker either, but the serenity prayer has seen me through some seriuos bumps in the road. Sending you a Norwegian hug.

  13. June 28, 2012 1:06 pm

    Hugs.

    xox

  14. Twilley Silly permalink
    June 28, 2012 2:25 pm

    (sigh) I’m sorry

  15. Denise permalink
    June 28, 2012 3:15 pm

    When one door closes, another opens. But don’t spend so much time at the closed door that you never see the one that has opened <3

    There is always a "Plan B", even if you don't know what it is right now. Just keep your head up, keep loving your beautiful family, and something good will come your way! This is one of those times where life has tried to knock you down, but you're going to get back up, smile, and calmly tell Life "You hit like a little girl!" :)

  16. June 28, 2012 3:47 pm

    Oh E, I was so hoping and praying for your family and for things to work out for you. I’m so sorry that it played out this way. I’m glad that you have a feeling of peace about it, though–Cory got laid off from a job several years ago, and though I knew in my head I should have been devastated, we weren’t. We felt totally at peace with it. Within a few weeks, he had a job closer to home, and had begun programming, which became a huge blessing in our future. I’m not saying that things will work out so immediately for you, but I Know they will with time. Keep your head up.

    Also, I’m coming out at the end of next month. Can we please play?

  17. June 28, 2012 4:22 pm

    Bugger bugger poop fart. (in my native tongue its much much worse).
    I wish I had some wise words but I’m cranky on your behalf. Those photos are awesome , they would make a great montage for your wall, like a big shot of happy.

  18. June 28, 2012 4:56 pm

    I’m so sorry things didn’t work out the way you wanted. I hope the new path becomes clear for you guys very soon!

  19. June 28, 2012 6:31 pm

    ((((Hugs))))) Sending you continued prayers of peace.

  20. Rachel permalink
    June 28, 2012 7:30 pm

    Hey Girl! I love you and I think of you often! My “working out” is still in process as well! After Hunter graduated we moved to Texas at the end of May. It was quick and sudden and we are still trying to “work things out” on another note, now that I am in Texas fill free to visit anytime you want! :) I was up at the old farm in East Texas last weekend and we went to a few antique shops and I found a million things that reminded me of you! Old Pyrex, typewriters, old metal toy typewriter, had crank sewing machines (not pink though) and a million other things and I though of you and said little prayers! Love you so much! Wish we lived closer!

  21. June 28, 2012 10:00 pm

    Oh, Pink,

    I’m so sorry! So, so sorry! Someone already beat me to it, but don’t focus on that closed door too much because you might miss the window.

    Love you lots!

    xo -E

    P.S. Love your color photo collages!

  22. June 28, 2012 10:13 pm

    Erika (don’t know if I’m spelling that right???),

    It was so nice to meet you yesterday! I’m sorry you were having a rough night at the bloggers meet-up. Of course I was unaware, but you put on a happy face and I know that’s hard to do. From the last few posts you wrote I can tell that you have good intentions and want the best for your family so I know one day you will look back on all of this and know that although it was a hard time ~ it made your family stronger. I wish you guys the best!

    I wanted to stop by your blog (which I really like so far. Great writing and photos by the way!) to link up. I will definitely be following your blog. Hope to see you again someday (sooner rather than later).

    Take care,
    Amber Johnson

  23. June 29, 2012 7:22 am

    Give yourself to be sad too, friend. I often struggle with immediately finding a silver lining and sometimes that’s not the best right away… sometimes you need time to process. Coming from a ridiculously optimisitc person, that sounds like a bummer comment! ;)

  24. June 29, 2012 11:10 am

    Been thinking about you so much and wishing I had some grand master-scheme to solve everything. :[ As usual, I am failing in my master-scheming. But I am sending love and prayers your way. You are an amazingly talented and gifted woman. I mean look at that photo montage??? See, amazing. I know life has great things in store for you. I’m sorry you have to go through the cruddy opposition part of the story right now. Love you.

  25. June 29, 2012 4:41 pm

    I hate that this happened for you guys. I had been hoping for another outcome. When life gets especially hard, I try to remember that if it always went the way we wanted it to, and was easy, we would have nothing for comparison, so might not see the good. I too am a silver lining person. It’s there…and you will find it. Keep the faith.

  26. June 29, 2012 4:52 pm

    Everyone’s already said all the right things before me. I’m sorry for the profound disappointment, but as always, inspired by your faith and hope.

  27. June 30, 2012 4:53 am

    Dearest Erika.
    I am so sorry. My prayers and heart are with you during this difficult time. You have an amazing outlook and reflection on the matters at hand.
    Sincerely. Trish

  28. June 30, 2012 5:56 pm

    Hi, Erika. We’ve been running into each other on instagram (@lulainlondon) for a while now and I just stopped by to check out your blog. What a heartbreaking post to come upon. I’m not even sure what it’s all about, but I can’t imagine how disappointing that decision was for you. You have an amazing attitude though and a lovely family. (And it’s so beside the point, but I just have to say that your photos are amazing!)

  29. July 3, 2012 12:56 pm

    Clearly I am the worst Internet boggy friend ever. Just catching up here. Hope my voicemail the other day counts for something. :). I’m so sad this didn’t work out. I know the toll being away from your spouse can take. It’s excruciating on so many levels. I love you and wish I could give you a big hug and go to cafe rio with you so we could cry over our pork barbacoa. xoxoxoxoxoxox

  30. August 2, 2012 1:59 pm

    Ok. So I am completely depressed for you even though I have no idea of the details. And with the fires added in to the mix. Great Scott! I’m so sorry to read this sad news, but what a stellar attitude you have about it all. Completely. Puts me to shame. I certainly hope that at this point things are looking up, at least a little bit. Thank you for your continually encouraging and positive remarks on my blog, and also for your beautiful and discerning eye for photography. Really enjoyed all the pretty photo collections in this post.

  31. RLS permalink
    August 25, 2012 11:07 pm

    I am sorry that your project didn’t work out and that the benefits that you imagined of more time with your family won’t come to be the way you had hoped. I’m sure it’s frustrating and disheartening.
    But be grateful for the family time that you do have, and that fact that you have a husband who comes home to you and a darling little girl.
    My husband and I are in our 40′s with no children and he is now leaving me for a 26-year-old. I would give anything to have a child and a faithful husband. I wish I had been more appreciative of the good times we had instead of stressing on our business and waiting for a “good time” to have a child.
    You are truly blessed. Give your family a big hug and thank God for all of your blessings.

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