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Pink.

June 22, 2012

Hello friends.  Over the past few weeks I’ve been rereading a lot of my own blog posts and re reading the comments. (You do that too… right… anyone?)  We are coming up on kind of a big day next week, one that’s been a long time coming.  I have no idea what will happen.  Clear back in December I mentioned in this post about some of the work related struggles that our family has had over the past few years.  I said that everything was sort of just hanging on one last big project.  We hoped to know 6 months ago what our answer would be.  We still don’t know.  It’s been an excruciating long wait, going on 4 years.

beauty

I’m not really going to go into a lot of specifics, because I can’t honestly see how that would be helpful.  But, I will say that I’ve been horribly distracted by work and money.  More so than I want to be, more than I ever thought I would be.  It’s been consuming.  Anyway, long story short, we find out on Tuesday about this one last project.  This one project that we’ve been working on for four years now.  Without getting paid.  Well, we kind of find out.  The answer will either be “No, this project is dead” or “Yes, this project is going forward”. But if it’s the latter (which I hope more than anything it is) it could be weeks or months or a year before anything changes.  Government projects are sometimes painfully painfully slow.  Optimistically in less than a month we’d get paid for the work we’ve done and our lives would change drastically.  But it could be more than a year.   Its complicated.  And completely out of our hands.  No control.  I hate being and feeling out of control.

love on the rocks

If the project goes forward and we get paid amazing things could happen.  We would be able to erase all the years of bad business and corrupt clients and bankrupted projects.  We would be able to move closer to Scott’s new job so he didn’t have to get up at 4:45 am anymore.  We would have 3-4 more hours each day of having him home.  With our family.  Together.

Valentines!

More than the money, I miss my husband.  Creamie misses her dad.  I miss having our family together.  And one paycheck for this project would fix it.  We wouldn’t move into a McMansion.  We’d probably move into a small rental in the city.  We wouldn’t buy a fancy car, but I wouldn’t have to worry so much about filling up the car with gas.  I wouldn’t buy new furniture and we wouldn’t go on a fancy vacation.  But we would go to the park together after work on a regular old Wednesday and not have to hurry home so my husband could crash out because he’d been awake since before the break of dawn.

pink peony

I don’t want the money. It’s not that important to me.  I do want what the money would give us.  Time.  I want time with my family together.  Everyday.  The past 10 months without it have taken it’s toll on me.  On Creamie.  On Scott.  I just want to be together.

pink biscuits

So, because of all of this that has been going on pink week has been a mite… well, non existent.  National Pink Day, my favorite holiday of the year is tomorrow.  I haven’t done anything buy buy an 88 cent pink cake mix to make cupcakes tomorrow.  And I don’t know that I’ll actually make them.  We’ll see.  There are more important things I’m worried about right now.  I am thinking about my family.  And the fact that one decision by a random group of people could fix the whole problem.  Or prolong it.  And I don’t have a say.

Pre-midnight snack. Leftover birthday cake and ice cream.

So dear friends.  As I’ve been impatiently waiting I’ve been reading back through my life for the past two years.  And I want to thank those of you who have left such kind and encouraging comments for me over the years.  They have helped me so much to feel like no matter what happens it will be “OK”.  Whatever that means.  This stage won’t last forever.  It could last a long time, but it won’t be forever.  Something good will happen.  Sometime.  And thank you all for believing in me, for supporting me.  For loving me as only awesome blog reader friends can.  It means more to me than you know.

Old fashioned pink peony. These blooms are 8 inches across!

And as a small favor, if any of you are inclined to pray in our behalf between now and Tuesday I would appreciate it so much.  At this point we just don’t want the project to get cancelled all together.  If it does, well, it’s over.  If it doesn’t, then there is still hope for a miracle.  And thank you from the very bottom of my heart for your support over the past weeks and months.  My heart is full, and I have tears pouring down my face at the love and kindness that has been shown to me by perfectly lovely strangers in this great wide internet world.  Thank you friends.

look at my stuff

PS- And one more thing.  Celebrate something pink tomorrow.  It’s kind of a big deal.  Most years.

28 Comments leave one →
  1. June 22, 2012 10:26 am

    Oh, friend. :( Just prayed for you and your family… hang in there.

  2. June 22, 2012 10:28 am

    I hope you guys get the answer you want! Sorry things have been so challenging for you for so long.

  3. June 22, 2012 11:21 am

    My Dear “Pink Lady” ~ I feel your frustration and pain. Please know that I will lift your family in my prayers, asking for a resolution and peace in your hearts. It’s such a trial being in limbo … not know what will happen, when it might happen, how it will affect your lives … I’m praying for you. I’ve missed your posts and watching Creamie grow the last few months! I’ve missed seeing the results of your thrifting adventures. I’ve missed seeing your “craft” projects. I’ve missed it all. Hang in there and feel the love from this big wide internet world. <3

  4. Chrissy permalink
    June 22, 2012 11:27 am

    Blessings to you and your family and I will pray for you to have more time and for your big project to happen. I understand the need to just feel secure and not worry about things and it’s lovely that you might have that opportunity. I also understand how circumstances can make it difficult to keep up the level of excitement over traditions such as pink day. In fact I’m constantly amazed by the creativity and sheer magnitude of amazing-ness that comes through these blogs everyday and I wonder just how you guys manage it!!!! Let us celebrate Pink Day as a community and we’ll send our pink-ness out there together! Love and life!

  5. June 22, 2012 11:33 am

    You guys will be in my thoughts and prayers. It’s no fun to have to worry about anything, I hope things will look better for you soon.

  6. June 22, 2012 11:41 am

    I have been reading your blog for sometime and have commented a couple times. I am so sorry for this time you are going through. We’ve had quite the rough 10 months and so I know how hard hard times can be. Especially when it has to deal with your future and when there are so many unknowns. I will pray for your family and this project. I hope it turns out the way you want. Time is a valuable commodity that not many appreciate. I hope you can have more family time.
    Thank you for your wonderful blog. It always brings a smile to my face! You are fantastic!

  7. June 22, 2012 12:00 pm

    We’ll continue to send prayers your way. As much as I’d hate losing my neighbor, I really (REALLY) hope you guys get this project approved so you can be together more. I can’t think of a better family more deserving of their miracle. It will happen. Hopefully sooner than later.

    Love to you my friend!

  8. Angie permalink
    June 22, 2012 1:12 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles you have been going through. I truly wish for some good changes ahead for you and your family. Your blog has always been a bright spot in my day when you post. Thank you!

  9. lillian permalink
    June 22, 2012 1:39 pm

    You don’t know me, but I enjoy reading your blog, looking at all the cool projects you do, and admiring your lovely photos. I will keep you in my heart because I truly want you to feel it will help, even just a little bit. Thank you so much for sharing with us. Warmest regards.

  10. Dee permalink
    June 22, 2012 2:02 pm

    I’ve been raised to believe that good things come to those who wait, and I’ll be hoping and praying that your wait is coming to an end :) Keep believing in your heart that this is going to happen and hopefully you’ll get your “miracle” xo

  11. June 22, 2012 2:13 pm

    Crossing my fingers that you will be getting good news soon. Prayers are coming your way!

  12. June 22, 2012 2:24 pm

    I hope you get the best possible news soon. Think pink! Hopefully, everything will be rosy in short order.

  13. June 22, 2012 7:02 pm

    Ive been reading your blog for well over a year now (im one of the many who got hooked on you from your how to cut a watermelon freshly pressed post), and ive loved every bit of it. I’m not religious, but I’m sending you tons of good vibes and thoughts- I know what it’s like to have to worry about money and miss your family when all you’re doing is working as har has you can to keep them together. I don’t like the color pink as much as I like other colors, but I’m going to wear, do, or make something pink tomorrow just because I love your blog so much. Stay positive and keep smiling, you will pull through :-)

  14. June 22, 2012 7:23 pm

    Pink,

    Twice in the last two weeks I’ve had silly, crazy, strange dreams about you. And after I’ve woken up from those strange dreams, I’ve thought about e-mailing or texting to tell you that I’m thinking about you. Not that the dreams make any sense. The last one was a two-parter; you, Creamie, your twin and one of the cast members from Glee came to church with me for something or other important, after which Creamie and I sat on an old couch in someone’s basement (think That 70′s Show) and consumed the Oreo shake and slushy that your sister and the Glee person had picked up on the way to church. Bizzare. In any case, I’m sorry I didn’t listen to the little voice that said I should have contacted you.

    I’m sorry things have been so hard. I often wonder just how much one person can take, and why one person would have to endure so much. I hope that things go the way you want, and if they don’t that you’ll be OK anyway.

    I’ve been working on a paper piecing pattern for that Rachel Denbow tile. I’ve just about got it wrapped up. I’ll send it to you soon.

    Love you. I’ll keep you in my prayers. It will be OK.

    xo -E

  15. michelle permalink
    June 22, 2012 8:26 pm

    i don’t even know what to say to sound even a little bit profound and helpful. you sound so optimistic and in absolutely the perfect state of mind right now, given the circumstances. i’ve so been there, and we’re still dealing a bit with the backlash of it all, but it does get easier. if there’s anything i’ve learned over the past 6-ish years, it’s that the best made plans we make for ourselves are no way better than what the Lord has in store for us, even/especially if is the exact opposite of what we thought would be the ideal outcome. i hope things work out. i hope you can all spend more time together as a family. i hope you can keep the same outlook no matter what happens. hang in there. prayers coming your way.

  16. Dagny permalink
    June 22, 2012 9:53 pm

    Your blog is my favourite; it is only one of two I read. I have really missed your posts. Your family is in my prayers.

  17. Winda permalink
    June 22, 2012 10:29 pm

    How I love you… Thanks for sharing your feelings. I have always admired your good attitude combined with your smile. It is a terrible feeling to have little or no control over the future, and to feel time slipping away. We all have ways in which we feel, or have felt, this way. You are not alone. I don’t claim to know much, but what I do know is that God is very much aware of our situations. He knows our hearts, our pain, our hopes, and our fears. He knows you. He loves you and your family. He will continue to sustain you as your future unfolds. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Scott, that you may continue to have faith in your Heavenly Father, in his timing, and courage to move forward no matter what. I’ll be fasting and praying for you on Tues. XOXOX

  18. June 22, 2012 11:08 pm

    Well friend, you know I’m only hoping for the bestest things for you three. Always. Thank YOU for all that you share with us here. This is a fun place to land on the interwebs. Hoping Tuesday’s news is only the good kind :)
    xo
    k

  19. Aussiegrl permalink
    June 22, 2012 11:31 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing your feelings with such honesty – you are so brave. This coming week I will be praying that God will grant you and Scott the desires of your hearts. Be encouraged by his love for you. xo

  20. Heather permalink
    June 23, 2012 12:00 am

    I really hope and pray for all the best for you and your family, whatever that may be. You have been my wonderful example of doing the things you enjoy, wearing twenty five year old (or older!) clothes, and having waffles for dinner with the kids. As much as we mean to you, you mean the same to me and others. Thank you for sharing, caring, and uplifting. :) xx

  21. Rebecca Snider permalink
    June 23, 2012 12:05 am

    I love reading your blog..I will remember you in our prayers. I do believe there is a there is something wonderful for your sweet little family…and I have learned in my life that when things are out of my hands and control…all I can do is take a deep breath and hang on…it is always been that test of faith that seems to bring about the greatest blessings. Thank you for your wonderful blog…you are such an inspiration to us all. Much love.

  22. June 23, 2012 6:29 pm

    Ahhh the government. So very frustrating at times. I am praying for good news for you, and I also commend you on your perseverance. It will absolutely reward you and strengthen you and your family. Keep heart!

  23. June 24, 2012 1:08 pm

    (((hugs))) You have been in my prayers and will continue to be! I love your blog and your Pinterest pins and your pinkness and will think about you and your pinkness tomorrow!! (And if you ever were ever to, say, open an Etsy store to sell some of your amazing creative things, I would totally buy some. Just sayin’) XO

  24. June 25, 2012 12:42 am

    wow! what a beuatiful post! All the photos are great but the firs is so perfect!
    I love your blog! Congrats :)

  25. June 26, 2012 6:30 pm

    I am still fairly new to reading your blog and was not aware of your struggles. Today is Tuesday and the answer you have longed for is due. My heart and prayers are with you this evening. ((( hugs )))

  26. June 26, 2012 9:00 pm

    Thinking of you, and hope your wishes came true.

  27. janine b permalink
    June 26, 2012 9:08 pm

    you are in my thoughts – hope you got the answer you wanted.

  28. Carrie permalink
    June 27, 2012 7:22 am

    Your post really resonated with me. I relate to how you may feel about being so distracted by work and money, without a choice. It is just a huge weight. I am going through similar things, probably in a very different way. I am still in college with an 18 month old son,my husband’s one small income, and it can be very stressful. It made me feel humbled reading your post though. I think I have been carrying too much stress lately for things that are, like you said, out of my control. It helped me step back for a moment. So, now I feel bad because I am talking all about myself here and I don’t want it to seem like I have found something good in your struggle. Because I don’t want to diminish your hardship. But, I think you are the kind of person who spreads goodness and light wherever you go. I believe, I have faith that your kindnesses will be returned to you. I hope that happens very soon. I agree, you are brave and also an inspiration. You also have a lovely blog, and I enjoy reading it. God bless you. Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22

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